One bright day, in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight,
One had a fiddle, One had a drum,
And one had a pancake stuck to his bum,
Back to back they faced each other,
Pulled their swords and shot one another,
One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"
And two lame men came to carry them away.
A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through the missing wall,
Into a dry well and drowned them all,
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe my story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!

 
Ladles and Jellyspoons, hoboes and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I come before you to stand behind you,
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There will be a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
Wear your best clothes, if you haven't any
Admission is free, so pay at the door,
Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.
It doesn't matter where you sit,
someone in the balcony is sure to spit
The topic to discuss...
The crime that has never been committed.
"Thank you for your kind inattention remitted,
I will now proceed to tell you about the four corners of the round table

 
One fine day in the middle of the night
A bucket of water caught alight.
A blind man saw it
A deaf man heard it
And the dumb man shouted for the fire brigade.
The fire engine came pulled by 2 dead horses
Ran over a dead cat and half killed it.
 
And the narrator, with his story untold,
Meekly whispered, loud and bold,
The beginning words, to the meeting's end,
You, my enemy, are now my friend,
Oh, now I see said the blind man, to the deaf mute.
As he picked up a hammer and saw
He called his wife on the disconnected telephone to see if it was raining
(They lived on the corner, in the middle of the block,
On the second floor of a vacant lot.)
She stuck her wooden arm through the knot hole in the brick wall